Feeling overwhelmed

Ingrid, Second Year Medical StudentI know I just wrote on Sunday, but today was the first time I officially felt like I was in my second year. Going into it, I knew that it would be difficult.  But today, the foreboding gales of second year began unleashing its fury upon me.  Its 10:47 pm, and I just finished studying.  You ask, “Did you get a late start in studying?”  NO.  Definitely not.  Its a symptom of being a second year.

I was rudely awakened by my alarm at 6 am this morning.  Every fiber of my being wanted to sleep longer, but I wanted to keep my commitment to have my morning devotions.  To be honest, most of the time I don’t want to.  Each morning, I have to resist the urge to get a jump start on my studying and skip my devotions.  BUT, I know I need God.  I need Him for true perspective, guidance, love.  Without Him, I know myself.  I can be a machine, selfishly bent on getting as many items checked off my to-do list without considering others.  So, I got up.  While pounding down a bowl of Cheerios, I had my morning devotions.  Its a good thing I did, since He got me through this long, long day.

After seeing a full, four hour block of lectures, I decided to wear a violet, polka-dotted dress to school with Tiffany-blue shoes and belt for an an unexpected splash of color.  How can I be beaten down while wearing polka-dots?  That was my thought at 6:45 am this morning when I left my house to ride my bike to school.  Oh, the day was early, and I was naive.  I previewed material for an hour, and then went to class.  I hadn’t finished listening to the first micro lecture before I felt completely inundated with the “bug parade.”  Can anyone make this horrible parade stop?  Then a plethora of pathology and pharmacology.

Lunch.  I started studying at noon while eating my microwaveable paneer masala. Three o’clock rolled around and I just finished studying one pathology lecture.  I’m already tired of heart diseases, and there’s still another lecture on congenital heart defects.  The first sentence in that lecture states, “Why do I care?”  “Ditto.”  I thought to myself.  The slanting rays begin to filter in through the window.  It was 5:30, and I decided to go home to eat dinner with Devon where we dined on fine, gourmet peanut butter and honey sandwiches.

By 6:15, I was riding my bike back to that wretched Alumni Hall.  I began studying micro, and then pharmacology.  My body is aching and I’m ready for a change.  At 8:45 pm, I decide to head to the gym where I could read and exercise.  I know that sounds stupid, but I can’t help but multi-task even at the expense of looking like an idiot.  Besides, I’m married.  I can risk looking stupid.

After getting home, I studied again until 10:15.  “Enough is enough,” I declared, so I threw in the towel.  Devon wasn’t home yet from lab, so I decided to check email and blog about my day while my wounds are still fresh from the events of today.  It is now 11:15 pm, and Devon just got home.  I have spent about 30 minutes with my husband today, and the rest of the time was spent with my more demanding significant other: school.  At the end of this long day, I feel overwhelmed, tired, and anxious even with the power of the polka dots.  So, second year, we have officially met.  Can I “unfriend” you?

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About iwahjudi

I am a second year medical student at Loma Linda University. Before medical school, I was an elementary teacher and photographer. My hobbies include hanging out with my husband, shopping, traveling, shoes and eating.

2 thoughts on “Feeling overwhelmed

  1. Ingrid, I did not journal second year. If I had, my experience would have been a lot like yours, polka dots and all. Thank you for sharing. And for the encouragement to put God first in the day. I look forward to reading more as you plow ahead and conquer SECOND YEAR…

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